if when you saw me, you stayed away because you didn’t want to see me or because you didn’t want me to see you. I would think it not the later because of how me me me you are, but its nice to think you were thinking of how I would feel had I ran into you randomly… looking out for and acknowledging that you hurt me, not the other way around. 

I feel like this situation will present itself more times in the future. Bring it on

(Source: ForGIFs.com)

(Source: youjustinspiredme)

compared to yesterday was largely better…mainly because I made it through a 9 hour shift and didn’t cry at all. I was a jumbled wreck on the inside and still feel like a piece of garbage though. But my co worker is seeing a movie with me tomorrow which should be nice…Im nervous to do things with new people. And my ex Joe stopped in and I had to wait on him…it was awkward but for some reason we were able to joke around like old times. I wish I had a sign for all guys to see that says ‘stay away’ becuase if your nice to me …or not even if your nice…and not even if your a guy…if your anyone, ill do anything for you… I need to work on that.

And making it complicated makes it worse and you end up ruining everything.

:(

(Source: lovequotesrus)

my friend told me that you said all the intentions you had with me were good ones and I have nothing to worry about. How could you do this to me? You once told me that all Ive dated before were assholes and all they’ve done is hurt me. But you’ve hurt me more than I have been ever before. A huge chunk of my heart is missing because I thought it was safe giving it to you and now its gone forever. I care too much… I need to learn not to care about people but I cant. I am the type of person who is happiest when everyone else around me is happy because that way I know Im doing something right. Im truly going to miss you and how happy you made me.

Here come those tears again

It hurts so bad right now, I just want the pain to go away and the tears to stop flowing so easily

(Source: hauntingofmichalla)

known what it feels like to be heart broken until now. It hurts more than anything I have ever felt before and its so hard to describe. I still am having trouble telling myself that its over…Its really over. He doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I have no appetite;havent eaten anything in almost a day and in between thoughts I pretty much bawl my eyes out till my lids are so puffy I can barely see. He at least was man enough to talk to me face to face which I appreciated, I deserve that respect… I told him everything I felt. Part of me wished it would change his mind but I know when Im no longer wanted…Ive gotten really good at sensing that. We talked for over an hour…he said he’s been trying lately to convince himself he feels the feelings I feel for him…but that type of thing is nothing anyone should need convincing of. Either it’s there or its not. And if you feel those feelings for someone, they are always there…even if theres a break in seeing each other. If you were crazy for them before and their still the same person, that doesn’t change. Even if one person hurt more than the other, those walls can be knocked down! I honestly never thought he would be the one to hurt me so god damn bad. Just writing this is making tears well in my eyes. He said he still cares about me alot and I am the nicest person he has ever met…but thats not good enough. I feel like I should hate him, but I like him and care for him so much still I could never do that. He has a good heart, its just not meant to love me.

As of right now, I regret it to the moon and back

Tonight while closing at work, my heart was ripped out of my chest, stomped on, then spat on by Randy. My mother has been holding me for the last hour and a half while I sobbed and bawled on her shoulder. I feel so sad. He broke my trust which he said he never would. I opened up to him, showed him who I was…he knows everything about me. he told me his feelings have faded but he still cares about me so much. If you cared about some one that much, feelings would grow stronger, not fade away. The worst part is if he wanted me back, Id go. I cant be mean to him because when i say i still care about him tons and tons i actually mean it. I never thought he would break my heart. I was falling for him but I guess it was a one sided thing. How am I so stupid? I just hate everything right now about myself. But im so sad all over. I can barely see out of my eyes.

bad dreams last night. Part of it was about a cupcake cult. Exactly what it sounds like. I chose black forest cupcakes to squeeze while I had to run through a maze with a bunch of other people. We all kept tying for finish so none of us had to be killed. I then left because I realized you had deserted me a while ago. I went into the backdoor of this club and you were really drunk and it reminded me of someone worse. I went in the bathroom and started taking pills. When I came out, the host of the club told me she would drive us home. We got back to some condo and you told me you hated me and then passed out.